A vestige of innocence
by Kasimere
Summary: Alternate scenario of Raven being found out as Gil. Yeah, pretty much totally different to the actual canon thing. Gil/Oz- Not yaoi. Though, some stuff might be considered fluff maybe. Just a bit of drama and rambling about the two boys.
1. Into the world again

Ugh, fanfiction. I don't quite know why I'm even trying to write this shite. But. I'm giving it a go of my own freewill. So, sorry if it's a tad worse than the plague.

Title: A vestige of innocence.

Show/book: Pandora hearts. (Which doesn't belong to me, shock horror gasp)

Rating: Uh, PG-13 for swearing? Gore maybe? I don't bloody know. US rating systems and uuh.

Plot synopsis- Alternate scenario of Raven being found out as Gil. Yeah, pretty much totally different to the actual canon thing. There isn't much of the other characters like Break, Sharon and even Alice. Because it's awkward to fit them between Oz/Gil feels and shit. Uhh, no yaoi, because yaoi makes my stomach turn.

-~*~ Tally-ho.

A vestige of innocence.

Suddenly after what seemed like a pure straight eternity in nothing but that dank, depressing darkness of the Abyss, I find myself feeling tentative reality. At least I hope it's reality! Not some ridiculous bloody trick that formed in the shallow hell I'd spent my last few days within.

A sudden thought, crosses my mind as a deludingly dream myself from slumber slowly.

A horrible thought. A quick, stupid, idiotic- fatal- slash of a sword. Blood, so much.. so much blood. My... my best friend. Not- not moving... Not- moving. Why didn't Gil move?! I- I- Did I _kill _Gil?

_No, please don't let that be true. He, he promised me after all._

Warmth washed over me as my green orbs slowly crept their where into view from between parting lashes, there was something on top of me- it felt like heavy fabric assorted with small, clasps? Of metal. Hm, strange, I blearily look around the room. It's dark aside from a dull illumination from a lamp at the side of my resting place. My eyes travel away to a depression on the bed that I have only just registered, someone is sat on top the mattress, they're tall with broad shoulders- well, they are from this angle. But that hair, that, curly black mop; my mind instantly connects it to one person and one person only. I reach out, taking the figures shirt in my smaller hand.

"Gil?"

The man, turns to face me. Narrow, piercing... **gold** eyes peer down at me which an odd expression. As if he'd witnessed something unnatural, like a image of someone long since dead returning to life. This man, isn't Gil, as, well, he's a man. Not a stuttering crying simpleton servant of 14. He's evidently, not my brilliant, cute, little servant. My tiny best friend with the huge innocent eyes.

At least, that's my logical conclusion.

Short establishing chapter is fuckin' short.

Uhhh, favourite and review if you want... I don't really care, whatever...


	2. Raven looks weird, Raven is weird

Raven's a strange guy.

It's been a day or two since my exit from the Abyss, and my prolonged stay at the Reinsworth mansion. Eh, there's just something in the pit of my stomach, this- fear of the outside world right now that I just can't shake.

Weird, eh?

But yeah, Raven. I know it's weird, but he is kinda' mesmerising- the way he seems to sit in silence half of the time staring into nothing. His eyes are so, desperate. Yeah the conclusion I've come to is a bit wayward, people would probably say he looks more angry or forlorn. But honestly, I'd wager he's desperate for something, or someone? Kinky? Or just heartbreaking. Hm, I feel like making fun out of him. If I knew him better, but something in me thinks that desperate far off gaze is something that even I shouldn't touch upon.

Sometimes, I catch him looking at me not with that desperate gaze but with something unreadable and to tell you the truth it is off putting. His face seems to tense up as if he's biting something back, and when he twigs I'm gazing back he frowns and those gold orbs dart away as he turns tail from whatever room we happen to be in.

But, I've been watching him almost much as he's been watching me. Studying him, if you will. His golden way too familiar and yet so very alien eyes that lie forever narrow above the dark circles, the frown lines set in between them. His seaweed mop that presents his obvious lack of care towards it. Those cheekbones, angled jaw; by all logic he should be far more manly- but there's some weird softening grace surrounding the man. His body shape is barely in view under that darkly flamboyant outfit, but I can tell he's built, despite the obvious gangly limbs and lanky figure hidden under the muscle and fumbled fabric.

So I'm sat there, sipping my latest cup of tea- looking off the balcony towards the dreaded outside world. Minding my own business, when a coffee mug is awkwardly placed upon the opposite side of the table- it clunks against the glass, delicacy has left the building, folks.

It's Raven, he looks down at me as I give a raised eyebrow to the mug- before my disproving gaze meets his vague clear stare. I, stop, my judgemental expression when those gold pools bore into my emerald irises- honestly, I forever feel the need to act like the 'so very innocent child' I _clearly am, hah _whenever he interacts with me. There's just something about him. He finally speaks after that, awkward moment. His voice is strange, low, deep and... oddly calming.

"Hey, Oz." He sits down on the empty chair opposite.

"Hey, Raven."

I smile and tilt my head, he nods and pulls a cigarette from his coat pocket- he lights it and brings the drug to his lips- taking a drag he looks away from me- towards the sky, expelling the smoke into the air slowly. He sighs and looks back down to the table, staring intensely at the mug before looking towards me again, finally. Man, this guy is so awkward around me- if he doesn't wanna' be around me. Then why'd he sit down?!

"Eh, Raven?" I say, taking a small sip of my tea. "How common is it to have gold eyes?"

He quirks an eyebrow and turns his head to the side to expel another elongated wisp of smoke.

"I don't think it's exactly a common eye colour. I've never bothered looking into it." Comes his eventual blunt answer. I nod in acceptance and shrug, placing my cup down onto the saucer on the table.

"My friend, Gil-" He seems to shift when I utter my servants name, weird, maybe he knows something I don't? I mean? He was apparently the guy that reported to Break about my loved ones... What if Gil isn't okay?

Ugh, shut up me.

"My friend Gil," I repeat "has gold eyes too." He point towards the older man in front of me, who gazes at be- subtly bemused. "And black hair!" He nods, and looks away to somewhere very distant. I sigh and lean back onto the chair. "It's so weird, eh, you said, well, Break said that you said, that.. Everyone who was at the ceremony, is okay? Right?"

Raven looks at me again, and nods curtly. As the wind has now changed direction, he doesn't turn away to exhale smoke- as now it automatically blows behind him. "Everyone is fine, they don't remember a thing about the ordeal you must have endured." I huff and closed my eyes- well, that's a relief. But, Gil, how could Gil be okay after what... After what I did?

"... What about Gil? I- I-." Stop it Oz! Don't stammer! You'll embarrass yourself! "He got hurt pretty bad."

Raven took his free hand and took up the mug, downing the last few gulp of overly strong coffee before standing. "I told you, everyone's okay." He bluntly retorts, slipping his hat down in front of his eyes. He nods to me and walks back inside.

… Did I just piss him off or something? This guy is so weird.

Ugh, I got a review already... Sweet Jesus.

Manami Nightray- Cheers, darling. I really appreciate the feedback! 3

But yeah, this chapters crap! THE NEXT ONE IS THE ONE I ACTUALLY WANTED TO WRITE! UGHUUU. So just hold on, it'll stop being shit soon! Ugh!

Uhhh, favourite and review if you want... I don't really care, whatever...


	3. Mannerisms and scones

XXXXX

So, chapter three. I'll try not to screw up.

Manami Nightray- Ugh, your reviews are too generous.

XXXX

This has just gotten creepy, yeah, I'm still at the Reinsworth estate. Yeah yeah, I'm taking my time. But in all fairness- it's better than facing the outside world and what could lie in front of me.

The truth.

Yeah, this is creepy. Well, Raven is creepy. Basically, it's been a few weeks now and he's become less closed off towards me. And it's pretty nice! He's actually, past the façade of angst and the short temper... a real good guy. Course that's not the thing that's creeping me out. It's his mannerisms. They knock my stomach into a deep pit, of course, most are singularly his own, but some, just some- are near on exact to Gils.

And I'm not just saying that because he kinda-sorta-but-not-really looks like Gil either!

For example, when we had the completely 'riveting' experience of a stray cat popping into the garden. Raven seemed to pale at the site of the black animal, a suppressed shiver tightened his bodies muscles and he awkwardly removed himself from the garden. Now that, was like Gil!

And when he loses his temper, now I barely even see Gil lose his temper. But Raven, loses it more than I lose socks- and whenever he does, I notice his left eye twitch and left side of his mouth hitches up with it... with a slight reddening of his face. Gil does that! I mean, maybe it's just a common reaction, but honestly! It's creepy!

All this stuff, the way he chews his food with such awkward slow bites! The way he fidgets when he tries to straighten his clothes, the way he leans back before breaking into a run! That weird shocked expression he does when someone catches him off guard.

All of these things! Gil does! Exactly the same way! I don't know whether to be scared or just roll with it!

He just, reminds me of Gil- so much! Screw those rational thoughts of yesterday! This guy- I don't get it. He's exactly like my servant but at the same time! He is absolutely nothing like Gilbert. Maybe, I'm just seeing a ghost reflected in something I want to believe in.

What if, Gil really is dead?

What if.. I killed Gil?

I killed.. My best friend.

I'm sat inside my temporary quarters now, knees drawn up to my chest as I clench my eyes shut. Will these stupid thoughts go away! Raven told me that everyone's okay! So why am I even bloody worrying?! Fucking hell! He can't be dead! No. I mindlessly order him! Right now! Where ever he is! Not to be dead! Gil'd never go back on an order! Never!

I try to walk to take my mind off things, Alice and the others are in the drawing room as I quietly shuffle past it. Lady Sharon seems to be badgering the brown haired chain with a catalogue of the 'latest regency fashion' whilst the clown is making his way through an entire box of candies. I won't bother them... and I have a slight inkling on where Raven will be.

Cus' it's almost dinner time.

I pop by head into the huge kitchen, it's all white marble and varnished wood, very professional looking. Sure enough, the tall dark haired man is bent over to stove- seemingly shoving something into the ovens inside. He stands after and sighs, bending backwards a little more to receive a small click from his back. When he's not putting on that stupid 'Byronic hero' act, he seems like any normal grown up- with a unavoidable mirroring to my Gilbert.

No Oz, shut up. Don't think about that!

His hair is tied back into a messy tail and I can get a better look at his face, wow. With it out of his face like.. that his bangs parted in such a way... He looks near on exact to-

"Oz?" Oh, shit, yeah, I forgot I wasn't invisible. He's staring at me oddly, with one eyebrow raised and his hands lazily resting on his hips.

I smile and throw up a casual wave. "Hey, Raven! I was bored and others seem... Absorbed in their 'activities'.. So I've come to bully you."

Raven's face seems to, within a unmeasurable span of milliseconds, contort into something awfully sad. Before he recovers quickly and softly smiles- turning to the sink to wash his hands.

"I see, dinner will be a few hours away still... But I've still got a lot of preparation to deal with. Try to go easy on me."

Wait.

Hold the phone.

Did Raven.

Just make a humorous comment?

Woah, I have to sit down! I laugh at his words and stomp into the kitchen. Pulling up a high stool from a near by island, clambering on top of it as he dries his hands- eyeing up a simmering pot on the stove. Raven sets the towel he was using onto an island and looks over at me- that soft smile on his unusually content face- man- the resemblance is..- shut up me.

"Do you even like cooking? Or are you just doing it because no one else here will bother? I mean- I haven't even seen a servant!" Raven chuckled softly, as he now has his back turned to me whilst he chops up some sort of greenery.

"I don't mind, I've spent a lot of my time cooking over the years." I nod and make a noise in retort. Gil used to cook for me sometimes, he was a good cook... Wait, I'm not supposed to be thinking about Gil. He huff to myself and clench my hands into the fabric of my shirt... I don't even notice the fact he has turned to quizzically view the action- until he deliberately clears his throat. We stare awkwardly for a few moments.

"Oh-" he snaps his fingers together in a sort of 'I remember' gesture. I twitch and tilt my head.

"Eh?"

"These were for tea today, but I decided not to serve them, because I've never been able to get the recipe just right. I figured if I get some one to try them for me, I may as well serve them as dessert or something." He reaches up, to a cupboard even a tall guy like him had trouble reaching. Once again, I'm letting the stupid thoughts in... I'm reminded of the time I placed Gilbert's tea set on a high self just before he was to take it back to Mrs. Kate... He strained up to reach of it... The same sorta' way Raven was stretching now- Only Gil was desperately whining and Raven was well, just reaching for something.

He removed a box, covered with cloth. Raven seemed to deliberately hide the contents until he placed something on a small plate. He strained again, placing the box back into its rightful place before picking up the china and turning to face me.

Oh dear lord.

There, on the plate.

A scone, with... cherries.. Raisins and cherries... In a scone! That was possibly my most favourite treat on the entire planet! No! In the entire realm of existance! I was transfixed on the baked gold, but not engulfed enough to not notice the absolute joy that seemed to spread across Raven's face... Was he blushing, woah. He must've really thought my reaction was praise indeed!

I hoped off my stool and bumbled towards him. But he held out a free hand and chuckled again. "Wait, 2 seconds." He grinned, not just smiled. Grinned. And screw not thinking! He looked exactly like Gil! Exactly! Like! Gilbert! I was so taken back, this was crazy. He reached to a self.. setting the scone and plate down on the nearest island... He took a jar of honey, and a spoon with which he lightly drizzled the webbing of honey across the pastry... Before ducking down to the fridge and taking out clotted cream, of which he lumped a spoonful down on the side of the china.

Now, how could this be a coincidence. Gilbert knows! Gilbert is the only to know! How much I love honey and cream with these things! He smiles and hands me the plate as I stare at him, completely flabbergasted. He averts my gaze and goes to tend to pots on the stove, mumbling as he does so.

"I heard from a servant at your estate, that you have a taste for that particular desert." He turns back to face me, that grin has now melted back into that small smirk.

With that comment my heart is lifted.

That must mean Gil is fine!

Because nobody else could even tell Raven that!

Gil- Gil was okay?! I could cry tears of joy, but instead- I'll take a taste of this scone.

Oh my days, it's heavenly.

"This is the best thing I have ever tasted!" I blurt out, my mouth still full. Raven chuckles and turns away to return to his cooking as I wolf down the treat... Oh.. Gil must be okay.

I'm so happy..

Thank you, Raven...

xxxxx

I like this chapter, it is cute, I like cute.

Now, after the cute, comes a shit ton of drama.

I'm not even sorry.

Review or whatever... Fleh.


	4. Eerie stain

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yep, here we are- Chapter 4. Woah dudes, step back.

When I checked today, this story had 69 views... needless to say I couldn't actually control my childish giggles.

Sorry the last chapter had more grammar mistakes than 'My Immortal'- it was like 2am and I was looking forward to writing it so much I just.. went for it like a full on fucking train wreck. My bad guys, my bad.

WARNING: This chapter is honestly shit, it's got some angst and it's only here as a transition.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

What a week, we finally left the estate! Me, Alice and Raven. And, and I saw what happens to an illegal contractor once the seal is completed... What a scary, horrible thought. I- I don't even know if I'll be able to handle the idea, but I'll keep my chin up!

But something much worse happened this week, we went to the ceremonial mansion. And, I'm afraid... everything was grown over, it looked- it looked decades older than it did only a few 'days' ago. No, it was wrong! It couldn't have depleted that fast. I'm so confused and I'm so... scared.

For a while, everything went along fine. I had a talk with Alice about Gil, she didn't exactly seem interested but then again I just found it pleasant to talk about the whiny little guy, I asked Break before I left the Reinsworth estate if I could at least, see him- or any of my family for that matter. But I was shot down by a nonsensical reply and a violent pat on my head.

At one point of the day, when Raven and Alice were bickering... again. I took the time to slip past the two and enter the ceremonial room- with the clock... where it all happened. I ascended the stairs to have a look around. Nothing much happened, but then I saw the spot where...

Where Gilbert fell.

A dark stain spread across the eerily old looking carpet and stone floor.

That was, blood. I froze and felt myself begin to shake, a hand slowly creeping towards my mouth as I suppressed a gagging feeling of despair.

Oh God, what did I do?

"Oz, are you alright?" I was broken from the trance like state of horror by a deep, concerned voice. Raven was stood on the stairs, looking over at me with a worried yet subdued stare.

Those eyes, there is some much inside them whenever he looks at me. I didn't see it before, it scares me, their strange eyes... They're not like Gils. The innocence that floods my servants eyes is nothing more than a slight trace in the tired, desperate pools of the fully grown man stood before me. I turn to face Raven, my hands clenched into my clothing again.

"Raven-" I start, in a shaky small voice. He climbs the remaining steps quickly. "Do you think, Gilbert will forgive me? I did... I really really hurt him... I thought for sure that I k-" I try as best as I can to keep my composure as the man tilts his head and stares intensely down at me.

"Killed him... I mean, is he angry at me? Will he ever-"

"Don't be stupid." The man interjected. Wait, what? That sounded a little defensive. I looked up at him, he was wearing that usual scowl he did around Alice, but the more I looked at him, the more it cracked and eventually became a sighing face, then a calming softened solemn face.

"That servant of yours, is not angry at you. Even when he first awoke he was simply just asking for you... You should stop worrying."

Gilbert, was asking for me? The first thing...? He wasn't angry at all? A gazed blankly at Raven as he removed his hat and plonked it down on my head. "Now come on, Oz- I don't want the stupid rabbit wondering off again.. nor you." He turned to head back down the steps... I took one more lingering look to the stain before following.

Later that day, we saw a memory. It was, distressing to say the least; we were seemingly assaulted and I remember falling- that's.. that's all I remember.

_I'm in a black void, floating aimlessly. _

_A light appears, in front of me... it forms.. into a small frame in a blue sailor suit._

"_Gil!" I cry out, my hands flying forward... His golden shimmering eyes open and he smiles at me- somehow appearing closer._

_But just out of my reach. _

"_Gil!" I blurt out, desperately holding out of him as he smiles at me... I notice blood across his clothes, across his chest..._

"_Young master, it's time to get up!" I look at him confused as he chuckles after his sentence- the blood from his chest slowly soaks into more of his shirt and drips into the void below._

_What did I do?! _

_Why can't I reach him!?_

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Once again, this is a shit chapter. It's just to get that bit outta' the way and get them to Raven's apartment. Guh ;~;


	5. Waking up to a smell

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hohhum, if people are still reading this. I salute them.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXXX

"Oz?"

My eyes snap open, if I wasn't me- I know I would've come from that dream screaming. I sit up straight... in a foreign room.

It's kinda plain, white chipping walls with plain, dusty floorboards and a pair of black curtains lie half open messily over the open window- so they're partially flapping due to the light breeze. The walls are littered with tacked on pieces of paper scrawled with messy handwriting, that looks, really familiar..? There's a dark mahogany wardrobe full of monotone clothes, with a broken door that is placed to the side of the object. On either side of me, two dark bed side tables complete with drawers and a lamp, an empty coffee mug a box full of... I think it's stuff for a gun- hell, I don't know. The bed I'm lying in is hardly regal... it's single with dark blue sheets. This room is awfully tasteless.

Raven's in the doorway, holding a tray. I blink and smile at the man, he gives me a small smile as he approaches.

"I bought us back here after what happened at the mansion... You've slept a day away before this morning." He mumbled as he placed the tray down on my covered lap. I look down at it and oh my days.

Yes.

Yes!

Ah!

It's a small bowl full of fruit, like strawberries, apple slices, blueberries, raspberries- everything! Covered in.. Oh could that really be vanilla yoghurt! Yes! The odds are in my favour today!

And a cup of peppermint tea, which has been my favourite since forever. Ugh, I'm heaven looking down at this. As I drool, Raven moves over to the window and continues.

"I put the rabbit in the spare room. This is my apartment."

Hm, so if Alice is in the spare room... Does this mean he put me in his bed? Woah, I assumed he slept on the sofa then. Hm, his bed, well, that was nice. I take up the spoon from the tray and shovel the food into my mouth as he lights a cigarette.

"Your apartment, eh? I take it Raven doesn't like decorating~" I chirp as he gives me a mock 'tch' and a not so serious 'shut up'. Whilst I eat I look around the room again, to study the papers on the wall...

That handwriting... It looks like Gilberts... Well, it's neater. A lot neater, seriously. He has terrible handwriting- but still, this writing on these sheets does look too similar; the way the a's are curled.

"Did you write all these out, Raven?" I ask, swallowing the last berry from the bowl, picking the cup up from the plate. He extinguishes the drug he had been inhaling and nods.

"Yeah, just- notes to myself; about work etc." I nod and he walks over, taking the tray from my lap.

"Well, I'll let you finish your tea in peace." He utters with a casual wave, closing the door before I can even tell him to wait.

I fond it a little weird, how habitual it seemed for him to serve me like that. He didn't hang on for a 'Thank you' or anything. I sigh, I should stop being so stupid. Stop comparing a fully grown man to my servant that I miss so bloody much. A place the cup on the side table and fall back down onto the bed- pulling the covers closer.

Eh?

These covers- smell funny.

Nothing, nothing bad- well, they do stink of tobacco. That's rank.

I grab a sheet and pull it closer to my face, inhaling the smell. Before quickly turning to the side to smell the pillow.

Now, back at the house, my mansion. I've jumped on Gilbert's bed thousands of times- to either wake him up or to stop him from getting into bed. And I know what his bed smells like.

It smelt exactly like this.

This is what Gil smelt like!

There is no denying, something is up. I get up, immediately! And go for the door, out into a bland hallway... I can't see Raven anywhere... I walk past the spare room and notice a sleeping Alice- but a noise alerts me to the bathroom.

Now I don't care! I do not bloody care! Whatever he is doing in there! I am gonna' question this weirdo!

Who knows too much about me! Who looks like my servant but devoid of childhood innocence!

And, luckily for me.. When I try the door... I'm happy to find that there is no lock.

Kehehe!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Spoilers, he finds out it's Gil in the next chapter. Ugh.


	6. Scarring images

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXX

So yeah, how come I only notice my grammar mistakes after I upload this shit? Despite my readthroughs before hand? Moootherfucker.

**ImJustThatAnimeFan: **_Okay, just read my mind then. Or am I that predictable? Ughuu. But thank you so much, dear~ your review has given me feels. I'm so glad some people actually like this! Agh ;~; _

**Manami Nightray: **_Girl, you're like the travelling reviewer of this story :') I love it so bad ! Ugh, thank you... 3 _

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_I remember, when we were back at the Reinsworth estate. I'd wondered into the drawing room in the early hours of the morning, I was bored and I couldn't sleep. Raven was in there, sprawled over the sofa with his coat covering him as it had been covering me only days before. He was sleeping, I'd never seen him asleep before._

_But as I looked at his sleeping face, my heart clenched. His sleeping face, without all that emotion.. just his calm, sleeping face. Didn't just look like Gilberts._

_It was Gilberts... But back then, I couldn't even believe that idea. But now..._

I swung the bathroom door open, it almost hit against the adjacent wall. Raven seemed to be getting changed, he had his trousers on still- but his shirt was off. He'd jumped basically out of his skin and whipped around with an almost comical 'huuuuh?!' when I'd made my rude entrance.

We stood in silence, only accompanied by the dripping of the taps. He seemed to wear an utterly distraught expression as he stood frozen to the spot, my widened eyes failed to look into his shocked gold.

Instead I looked towards his chest, more so, to the thing that numbly meandered across it.

A long angry line, faded over time, incorrectly healed as if he'd never taken the time to properly recuperate. It was clearly old, but it must have been a deep, near on fatal wound at the time of it's creation. This, disfiguring scar was most definitely created via.

A sword.

_I just wanted Gil to run away, to get up and save himself! And when that... that guy was near him! I just wanted to get rid of him! I didn't think Gil'd get in the way?! I thought... I thought I could've stopped myself in time if Gil even tried something as a stupid as that.. But I was so frightened... I just couldn't stop in time, I- I was angry and I was scared. But when I felt the blade connect with something... And I heard the dull thud. I knew whatever I hit was far too small to be a fully grown man._

_And the blood, all that fucking blood... He wasn't moving... He didn't even look like he was breathing. I thought for sure, for **sure **that I had killed Gilbert. _

Raven inched forward ever so slightly, extending a hand towards me. This drew my attention somewhat from the scar to instead gaze at the older man's face and those... eyes, those golden, sad, sad eyes. The innocence within in them had died long ago now- a vestige of what once was remained however. Glinting cautiously somewhere within the depths. As he looked at me with such a confused taxing expression, like a lost child, I saw his act fall almost completely.

And the face that finally greeted me now that the act was gone, was Gilbert's face. I stood silently with my mouth open, before inching closer myself towards the older man.

"Wh-.. I don't.. I don't understand." I murmur, he lowers his hand and looks away... taking both muscular arms over his chest, not so much holding himself, more so shielding the scar from view.

"You've been, in the abyss for ten years."

What...?

Ten years?!

..That explains the mansion and it explains... It explains this! But.. How.. Why?! Why ten years?! And how can this?!

Raven.. How can Raven be Gil?! Gil's small! Skinny! He can't even hold a gun! Fuck it, he can't even make such horribly negative forlorn expressions like Raven has near on every second of the day!

Gilbert is not this tall, built man in front me, with such tried features and such... eyes.

I'll believe the ten year thing! Sure! Whatever! But I cannot believe... No, it's just a stupid resemblance I've been creating in my head.

"No.." I mumbled, he looks down at me, then away to the side.

"I'm sorry, I didn't tell you sooner Oz I- O-Oz!" I hear him break from his words as I dart away from the bathroom back into the room I'd woken up in... Now this room, has a lock on the inside of the door! Thank God! If this was any other time I'd wonder why this guy has a lock on the inside of his bedroom door... But this situation is a little too heavy for stupid thoughts.

I ignore now the commotion from the other side of the door, as he begins to explain through the door what happened and how the abyss works. He wasn't telling me a thing about himself, just.. just about everything else I've missed over a decade.

He's interrupted by Alice, they have a spat, I pause from my knee's drawn up rocking when I notice his voice crack during a retort. He sounds like he's on the verge of crying...

I wish it was easier for me to cry, cos that's what I wanna do right now.

Alice tries to talk through the door, but he bites back and their argument continues. I slowly slide from my position on the floor. To take a look around the room, I look at the paper on the walls. Then I look into the wardrobe.

Black and white clothes hang messily inside. I idly flick through, then stop... There, in the back, the only thing hung neatly, something blue completely dwarfed by the bigger items of clothing.

A small, blue sailor suit. Gil's suit.

It's old now, the colours faded... but it's his alright. I can even see where it's been stitched up from the time I pushed Gilbert into a rose bush. I take the suit from the wardrobe and hold is close- looking back to the closed door.

Raven...

Gil...

I lay the suit on the bed and continue to snoop. I open the draws near of the side tables.

One's just full of crap, spare gloves, bullets, a packet of cigarettes. Whereas within the other- I find a small box and when I open it, I find.

The occasional cards I gave Gil...

All the little notes I left for him, ya'know.. Play notes.. work notes.. teasing notes.

That.. that picture of a cat a shoved in his face one time.. I drew it of course.

… I even find the contract that I drew up the day I met him.

And under all this heart wrenching memorabilia I find three photos. That play out almost like a soul shattering explanation.

The first, is of me and Ada and Gil. Stood in the garden as we posed for a not so formal picture. Ada is on the floor, playing with Dina, I have my arm around Gil's shoulders as he desperately tries to recoil from the cat... but he's smiling at the same time.. I was saying something! Yeah! I remember! I was telling him a joke... So he'd ignore the cat and take a good photo.

This photo, along with the other items was worn... old.. So old.

The second, I remember... I never even saw this one developed. It was taken the morning of the coming of age ceremony... It's just me and Gil this time. We're stood side by side- wow. I never noticed how small he was compared to me.. But we're stood there, I'm smiling broadly with my hands triumphantly on my hips and he stands defensively smiling with a hint of blush over his cheeks.

And the third, the third frightens me. The people in it, obviously didn't want their picture taken. There's a weird kid.. maybe a younger than me or around my age... With blonde hair and mismatched eyes. One gold like Gil's one... red. He's stood holding a mutilated bear- an oddly calm expression laced with anger is strung across his face. He is stood just behind a taller boy, of around maybe 15?16? And it's like a transition.

He's taller, but... This person in the picture is definitely Gil. But his bitter angry expression and stares directly at the camera lens is.. Ravens.

Raven... is Gilbert... Isn't he?

Oh God... Ten years... what's happened to Gil?! I need some quiet time to think, I turn to the door and bark.

"Oi! Shut up! Both of you! I just want time to myself! Go do something useful!"

The rambling voices from behind the door come to silence... I'm pretty sure Alice has gone to raid the kitchen. And.. I have no idea what Raven's doing.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXX

Yeah, this shit still ain't finished.

If you're still reading.. Well done... I salute you... Again _

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


	7. Gilbert

XxxxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

So, I should probably be writing my dissertation. But fuck that, fanfiction isn't as a shit as explaining the media's exploitation of the royal family since 1950.

I'm sorry I can't spell, or use grammar. I suck at life.

XxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It's been a hours, I uh, I fell asleep on the bed at some point. Gripping onto the little blue suit. Thinking over everything... I- I think I can comprehend it. I think... I mean, if everyone really is fine. It doesn't matter how long I've been gone. If uncle Oscar and Ada are fine- I honestly couldn't care less if they're ten years older.

But Gilbert, I still.. can't process that idea.. He's so different. What's he done? What happened to make him like this? I, I, is it my fault?

He was so... He wasn't anything like Raven.

But why am I even saying that?

He's exactly like Raven. But just smaller, I guess.. And less grown up.

I sigh and sit up, taking the suit to my chest. I'm glad that he's alive, I'm on cloud 9 over that... but... I'm not happy, at all, I could cry.

I am crying.

Oh God, really? I never cry and yet here I am... there's tears down my face as it finally sinks in.

He's here, but he's gone.

Gil is gone.

What if... What if changed because I hurt him?

What if I essentially _killed _old Gil?

And now he's just a ghost in the eyes of Raven?

I grip onto the suit and use free hand to wipe the tears away, no Oz, stop crying, stop being stupid, you're not Gil, so stop being a crybaby!

I sigh, again and slowly stand to put the suit back. I slowly shuffle around, lighting the lamp since it's bloody dark now... Then I sort the room again, putting the photos away and making the bed. Before making my way to the door, unlocking it slowly. I open it as slowly as I can... I look left, I hear Alice's snoring from the spare room.

Woah, I see her concern for me is through the bloody roof. Down the same side of the corridor, which I view from behind the door... I see the empty sofa.

Then soft breathing from the right catches my attention, I look down to the floor.

Raven is slumped against the wall, by the door, with a white shirt on... The one he was wearing before he went into the bathroom that morning... I'm assuming he hurriedly put it on to chase after me. That also meant he never left the bedroom door alone.

He'd sat beside it all that time?

And had fallen asleep... I smile and kneel down in front of the sleeping man who's illuminated by the moon. There's darker, slightly redder circles under his eyes... Gilbert used to get them when he sobbed too much.

Well, at least when Raven cries, he's quiet.

Once again, like at the Reinsworth's mansion... He looks exactly like Gil. With his knee's slumping bent in front of him... With his arms folded over his chest... Raven looks smaller than usual. I reach forward and take a strand of his hair in my hand...

It feels like Gils.

I move down to touch his sleeping face...

He feels like Gil.

Raven stirs abruptly at the touch, blearily, sleepy eyes snap open dilating in the dark before slowly focusing on me. But he doesn't seem to even properly be awake judging by the groggy expression and cloudy gaze. He smiles slightly, Oh god.. No.. He looks exactly the same exactly lik-

"Young... master?" He mumbles, obviously far too tired and deluded.

But... When he said those words... My heart wrenched forward. He looks so happy to see me. And those words... Those... beautiful nostalgic words.

He _is _Gil.

This is Gilbert.

My Gilbert! My stupid idiot servant... Ten's years of difference doesn't matter! This.. This is Gil.

I feel my lip tremble as a settle a hand on his shoulder.

"Long time no see, Gil~" I chirp quietly.

Oh good, he looks... He looks so happy. I barely notice the empty alcohol bottle next to him... hm.. So that's how he handles his sorrows.

He lets his legs slide down. They part either side of me... He's so tall now. Wow. It's weird to see Gil as a grown up, Gil slumps off the wall- towards me and holds out his arms.

I'm weirded out, but I don't pull away. He wraps his arms around my waist, and falls back to lean against the wall again- taking me with him. He buries his head in my shoulder and I feel his grip tighten.

Woah, Gilbert strong, real strong, he's basically engulfing me too. I stay stunned as I begin to feel his breathing jerk. Oh, he's crying again.

Lame, just like Gil.

"Young m-m-master... I-I-I-I'm soo ha-" he hiccups "happy. You're b-b-b-back..." I grin to the wall, slowly reaching my hands up to embrace Gil's shaking shoulders.

He continues to bawl and splutter 'Young master I'm so happy.. I'm sorry' over and over. Until he finally seems to calm down.

And I pull away, despite his much deeper voice, he still manages to give a confused squeak. Which is one of the cutest things I've ever heard come from a fully grown guy.

"Come on, Gil. Get to bed." I say, standing and helping him pull himself up... So tall.

I lead him into the room and watch as he basically falls onto the bed. I smile down at the idiot before turning to leave when I feel a strong tug on my sleeve.

"Master Oz, don't.. go." He's pleading with those narrow gold eyes. The vestige of innocence shinning more prominently than any star I've even seen. I chuckle and nod. I give a motion for him to scoot over... He has a hard time trying but finally manages to make room.

I sit next to his form, then I lie. Me and Gil have shared a bed plenty of times, so this is fine. I turn to face him, I feel his hand snake up and grab a hold of my wrist... Heh, he always does this at some point during the night... I guess he's always been scared of me leaving in the night.

Idiot crybaby, I smile at him and he smiles back before his bleary gold eyes begin to close. He's asleep again in no time.

Now I'm not tired...

But... I don't want to leave Gil.

So I'm going to spend the night watching him sleep peacefully.

He's still my servant.

And I still have to protect him, even if it's just protection from a lonely bed.

Thank you, Gil.

I'm so happy, you're okay.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXX

I might add another chapter, but this is probably it.

Ughhu, thanks for the reviews ;~; If there's any more.. Thank you! I might write more Pandora Hearts stuff... I don't know.. Your thoughts?

Shit ending is shit.


End file.
